Twas the Night Before the Apocalypse

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Twas the night Before the Apocalypse
As we were going to bed
Not a creature was stirring
Not even the Walking Dead

The shotguns were hung
By the chimney with care
In case That a Zombie
Would soon be there

The children were fortified All safe in their beds
While visions of chocolate pudding Danced in their heads

And mom in her Kevlar And I with my shield,
Had just settled down For a moment unconcealed

When out on the lawn There arose such a scream
I sprang to my feet To survey a bloody scene

Away to the window
I thought “what in tarnation?”
Then tore open the shutters
And peaked threw the fortification

The moon and the splatter
Of the new fallen blood
Gave the lustre
Of a slaughterhouse
Or a bright red flood

When what
To my wandering eyes
Should I spot
But an injured neighbor
covered with rot

Chasing his wife
He was slow and dead
I knew in a moment
I must shoot for his head

Slower than snails
His friends they all came
As his wife screamed, shouted
And called them by name

Stop Johnny
Stop Ronnie
Stop Bobby
And Rhet
Get off William
Get-away Frankie the Guy I just met!

To the top Of the porch
To the top Of the wall
Now get-away, get -away,
get -away all

So up To the rooftop
With my family, We flew
With a sack Full of guns
And ammo too

And then
In a twinkling
I heard from the roof
The gnashing
And gnawing
Of each zombies tooth

As I pulled out my gun
And was turning around
Down the roof
I fell and landed hard on the ground

They were covered in blood
From their head To their butts
And their clothes Were all tarnished
And smeared with some guts

A handful of meat
he had flung
in his face
And he looked
Like a demon
or from outerspace

His eyes
How they stared
deep into my soul
His cheeks
Were bloodstained
like he swallowed her whole

His foul little mouth
Was holding a flood
And the beard of his chin
Was covered in blood

The stump of her arm
He held tight In his teeth
As the other zombies
Encircled her head
Like a wreath

They ripped at her face
And tore open her belly
That shook when she screamed
Like a bowl full of jelly

It noticed me then
and my way he started
I peed when I saw that
and I think I just sharted

Death on his breath
And a twist of his head
Gave me to know
I’d soon be dead

He spoke not a word
But went straight
for my face
And growled and slobbered
All over the place

An reaching out his hands
For my throat, his payload
I closed my eyes
and his head did explode

I sprang To my feet
thanked my family
with a yell
An away They all shot
and rained down Hell

But I heard him exclaim
As the bullets they did rain
All I wanted was a taste
Of your brain.