If I had known that BEFORE the zombie apocalypse I’d be king now
Quick check out our Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide
So the shit has hit the fan and the world is going to Hell a lot quicker than you’d like huh? Just think of all the stuff you could have did before the zombie apocalypse but didn’t. You could have visited Paris and drunk some wine by the Eiffel Tower. You could have witnessed the lights of the Aurora Borealis with the love of your life. You could have….learned how to purify water….?
That sure doesn’t sound sexy but during the zombie apocalypse that may be the most desirable trait in a mate. Try to explain to someone who hasn’t had a drink of “good” water in a day how you’d like to take them to Paris instead of getting them some H2O that doesn’t cause them to have volcano diarrhea. Just be ready for that punch in the nose, or worse, that comes right after.
Now keep in mind we aren’t wanting you to become hardcore survivalist living “off the grid” without any human contact. That’s not what we are going for…but maybe if you run into us during the zombie apocalypse you’ll show us some mercy and lend a helping hand to a fellow survivor.
This one is the most important things to know before the zombie apocalypse starts, but you don’t need to be a parkour master or a martial art teacher when facing zombies. Basic self-defense is enough to immobilize most zombie. Zombies are usually slow-footed with no intelligence at all so as long as you know how to defend yourself and keep a cool head on your shoulder you should be ok. Now the next step would be to learn how to improvise and use objects around you to enhance your skills and survival rate. Plus this skill will come in handy when the inevitability of dealing with other humans survivors come in to play. Everyone is just looking to survive even if that means you don’t. If they think they can take what you have they probably will try but with this skill, you’ll be able to crane kick those suckers in the face quicker than Daniel-San at All-Valley Karate Tournament.
Basic Hunting & Farming
He or she that has the most food will be the zombie apocalypse version of a billionaire! Now it’s the perfect time to learn some basic farming and hunting. You can start by planting some organic vegetables like corn or tomatoes. Learn what grows best in your area and learn to love that stuff like a fat kid loves cake. If you’ve never hunted before we’d suggest you start by entering a hunter education course. This course should give a double advantage, you will learn how to hunt and you may learn how to “clean” the future food.
Basic Home Cooking
After learning the basic hunting and farming skills for gathering some ingredients, it is the time to learn how to cook them. You don’t need to be a master chef, just starts to learn the basic home cooking skills for now. Plus your significant other may appreciate your lazy ass helping out in the kitchen from time to time too. Knowing some foodie tricks related to basic home cooking, for example how to preserve fish longer with natural ingredients, can be a game changer. Hell, you may be the only human who actually gains weight during the zombie apocalypse. Except for that dude with a mullet on The Walking Dead.
Basic Electricity/Solar Panel Repair
How much do you like to sit around in the dark with no electricity? Does the thought of going with your phone, tablet, or computer send shivers down your spine? It does us for sure… If it does you too then I suggest you learn this skill as well as solar panel repair. In a zombie apocalypse, you’ll eventually have to generate your own electricity if you want any at all. You’ll be the only underground bomb shelter on the block that has Christmas lights. Even the Rockefellers would be envious of your wealth. One way to learn this skill beforehand would be by learning how to use and run an additional power supply like a generator. This looks like a simple thing, but google how many people have actually been killed by running them for their homes. It happens every year because they didn’t read this post. I’ll go ahead and save your life right now by telling you that you NEVER run a generator inside your house.
The last but not least is the basic medical skill. Eventually, you will get hurt during the zombie apocalypse in some form or fashion. By knowing how to take care of your wounds (or other peoples) is the difference in a minor cut vs a disease filled gash of puss and other gooey gunk that will smell like the devil and hurt as bad as getting a prison tattoo from Twitchy the Tourette Syndrome addled murderer.